Day 1: IUI

I reached Hospital at 10.10am. It suposed to be like 5 minutes driving but the traffic quite heavy..*Menyampah  betul..Oh yea, Im going alone, I just don't like Mr. Harvey to accompany me..its nothing actually, and he looked tired..x nak susahkan dia..kesian..

So I've waited about 15 minutes to be called... The assistant won't take the washed sperm , not till I reached in front of her..hehehe..*maybe to avoid any complication to the sperm..

The procedure is okay..is not hurt at all...just felt uncomfortable. Doc instructed me to let loose my body and he asked me not to stiff myself cause  the Ms. V muscle will be tighten and hard for catheter to be inserted inside Ms. V..

I hope I'm using the right word, 

First, he inserted catheter inside my Ms. V ..Catheter is something like duck beak (paruh itik). Which to assist the syringe to get into our vagina and straight to uterus..*a bit comfortable...layan je..

After that he inserted the syringe and of course I don't feel a thing cause the 'duck beak' already open up my vagina to be some sort like big tunnel..

Suddenly, I felt like this explosion of wave inside my uterus. I scream a bit..not because I'm hurting.. I'm in shocked.. its like your uterus was being gushed by liquid..so sudden and you not prepared..and the feeling is similar when you hold your pee too long and your tummy's like bloated with all the urine fluid..something like that..

after that he asked me just lay down for 10 minutes.. He didn't do any scan to check my egg.. I don't know why..*nak taya lebih..takut..

and guess what..

Mr Harvey sperm count was 232 millions...*Wow...I really underestimated his specimen..It was really cenonet and tiny but the result was da boom!!

Quite sad, I did tell him about the result when I got home.. his face was like so proud..it makes me sad...

I told him "Honestly I really thought your sperm would be less than 5 million...and I think I will be happy if it's less than 5 million..not because I don't want kid...I really do..Now, it just makes me feel that I am the only one who complicate this effort and I'm the only one who needs to carry the burden...I'm tired.. at least if you have problem, I don't have to put effort too much and fix my body here and there..I'm tired..I penat okay...but if I x berusaha and  asyik pikir penat..sampai bila bila I tak akan dapat anak"

I cried infront of him...*hate when that's happened..

I know Mr. Harvey felt pity and sad for me..thank god he didn't show it..all he said " I really don't mind if you don't put an effort..we can adopt if you feel tired..I can love the kids like our own kid..If I can love him or her..You can do better.."

I replied " No..you are not in my shoes..You will never understand. I don't want to adopt just yet..just let me try my very best until I had enough..."

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This is just my very first cycle of  IUI.. There're women out there who are suffered more than enough but strived their best to get their happiness...

If they can do it..why can't i?

I will update to you any symptom (if any) tonight ya..

xoxo!!