Today I'm going to tell you my journey of
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| My Brand |
Smoking..it been 63 days since I quit smoking..let starts with how I end up smoking...
Back then..9 years ago, when I was 19..precisely, I was back then quite naive and easily influenced by friends..Not that I'm saying my friends are bad or were bad back then..its a choice..and I chose to smoke..
I have had my reasons..for me its really justified 9 years ago... :
1st Reason- Justified for me..
The only think that could make me focus studying in PETRONAS University was smoking in front of piling assignments , projects, accumulated tests, etc. There's only two things that kept me to continue 'burning the midnight oil'.. Black Coffee and cigarette.. I N.E.E.D those and honestly they did help me to achieve really good CGPA.. *Now now..I should thank 'them' at least for 'helping' me to be what I AM NOW..
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| The young me |
Then I stop smoking for like 5 years ever since I met my almost-soulmate.. We were in a relationship for 5 years.. He didn't smoke, he was football captain back then, he's kind, he's an angel..and he didn't force me from quit smoking..Eventually I felt embarrassed.. and whispered to myself... " Hey..dia lelaki yang husband material..if aku tak quit..nampak aku yang bukan wife material..?" . After that I forced myself to quit..and I got used to it..
But I cheated behind his back..with Cigarette..should I blame myself that time...of course not..! That time I simply blamed my workload..
2nd Reason- Justified for me..AGAIN
Being in Marketing Operation, handling all the workload, contracts, vessel, delivery , product...geez.. I don't have time for myself to exhale..I was in duress.. I need focus..so
"Hai again dear dear Cigie..I miss you..come to Mama" * I know its not funny... I was in denial.
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| Ultimate me..63 days free from him |
and of course, I did not end up well with my almost-soulmate, I was not just cheated on him with Cigies..but I cheat on him with my 'dark age moment'. Being independent, love only ME, with lotsa friends , being cocky and snobbish *He's married now, and he's married to much much more better woman.. I just knew :)
And this keep on continuing until I met my husband who's as crazy as I am and doesn't bother with me smoking and all...*all my family in-laws including my MIL,FIL, BIL,SIL..all are smokers
So...
WHY ON EARTH SHOULD I STOP SMOKING? I'M IN HEAVEN!!
But, things are not as easy as it seems..
My body, inside me, was not designed to cope with all the smokes..and they just like saying..
"Hey Bi*t%H...if you don't stop smoking, we will ENSURE that all of us will be as rebellious as you and we will boycott for any treatment or whatever you are doing to us now"
Not in single tint of light that I realized ..my own body was giving up on me...
My antibody ( I always sick...hypersensitive)..
My Skin.. (getting darker, older)..
the ultimate rebellion goes to..
MY HORMON.. I was diagnosed with PCOS due to high Androgen...Yes, smoking contribute to high Androgen... (Hormon jantan!)
No wonder I didn't see my Egg White Cervical Mucus (EWCM) since I was 20 years old...
I cried, cried and cried in front of Doctor Suhaimi. He was the one telling me the possibilities of me getting PCOS due to foods and my lifestyle..
"What should I do Doc..sempat ke I berubah..?"
He said " You are 28, you still young..not young..but you are in your prime time..Stop if you determine to conceive.."
and Yes, the determination to conceive helps me to stop from looking at Cigies..suddenly I felt nothing about Cigies..just like that... I don't even try to reduce the consumption..I just cut off..stop all at once..
Amazingly,
It worked...I don't even have any confidence within myself.. Zero. But I think my own body, my inner-self believed in my determination. Perhaps, the overwhelmed-motherly feeling inside me wanting to touch and hold my baby is much more greater than anything else..
So now I would like to say..
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