The best proposal I've ever seen..

It's 1:17 am I couldnt even sleep..I tried since 4 hours ago..All these coming from Clomid..I knew it..grrr...

Anyway, just to occupy and kill some of my time..I went to youtube just searching anything interesting..

and suddenly I caught this title 'The Best Asian Proposal'

So dah tak ngantuk...and gatal tangan...I watched the video..this thing I tell you...It makes me wanted to get married with this man...soo romaticcccc...to the max...very creative...

This video was from Japan...Japanese are super genius in inventing creative things, event etc etc...

So it's about this man wanted to marry his gal and to make this real, I'm not sure how many times that he and his friend or whoever he's hired rehearse to ensure everything to be smooth...!!!

SUKA BANGAT VIDEO INI!!!! Click here yaaaa  ... Enjoyyyzzzz

Day 5: Last day of my Clomid - Updates

Its 10:29 pm...and I'm so sleepy..

I just finished my menstrual..

I have this pull sensation at my left side lower abdomen..sometimes I also could feel twinges at my right side..
Is it normal or is my ovary 'grooming' the eggs? I hope so...

I'm so bored..to tired to hangout with my gals...

Lazying , Laying down and blogging..

I think I'm going to take my last clomid now..*penat la nak tunggu sampai pukul 1pagi..


See yaaa

Day 5: Last day of my Clomid..

Hola Ms. B,

So today's midnight will be my very last Clomid day for TTC Cycle: #1

Tomorrow I'm going to start my EPO and Jus Perawan D'Herbs..

Oh btw, pertaining to EPO hari tu..Ingat x when I 'harassed' my dear doctor whether is it okay for me to take EPO with Clomid...he indeed replied my SMS with:

"OK you can take EPO together with Clomid.no problem"

But still, I don't 100% take his advice.. cause I know that there's no evidence or statistic of correlation between Clomid with EPO..so I don't dare to take it together with Clomid..

I know that EPO really HELPS me ALOTTTT in getting better cervical mucus..*I just took 500mg EPO+Vitamin E per day..sikit je..

So, I've made up my mind to take it separately, and I will stop eating it right after my my Ovulation Day..

And of course I will double up my Lumiglow cream after my O Day.. to give booster for my progesterone level.. * I'm not sure whether Lumiglow able increase my hormone progesterone..just try my luck..

So for My Jus Perawan D'Herbs..I will take it along with EPO + Acid Folic and will stop those supplement immediately after O Day except for Acid Folic..

Not to forget drink 3 liters of plain water everyday!!! 

p/s:

1.  I have an appointment with my doctor on 4th December.. can't wait to see the eggs reaction!! :D

2. I only ehem ehem with Mr. Harvey between  7th Dec- 9th Dec (My Day 13-Day 16).. and he needs to rest before our IUI..its best to ensure Mr. Harvey is absent from 'anything' minimum 3 days..and maximum 10 days..

2. I already inform my husband to make himself AVAILABLE between 10th -15th for my IUI..* If I nak buat la...tak decide lagi...need to check the egg status..dunno how's my ovulation  will turn up..

Hmmm....

I wish I could ehem ehem alternate day with Mr. Harvey..so the chances might getting higher..yet it is hard for both of us..I don't know why..sometimes I felt like  I'm Tangoing ..all alone by myself..

Be strong for the better future..amen..

Maybe he already have two kids from previous marriage, he just not as keen or as eager as me to have a baby...sometimes I felt he agreed with this TTC terms cause he felt pity on me..of wanting and longing to have my own child..

At least.. writing this diary could heal myself a bit...It's the place that I could write about my life, my sorrow, my joy, my sadness , my happiness...

Brenda, thanks for being my imaginary twin, my imaginary listener and my diary....

My inner me..My own strength 

Only you could understand me Ms. B..  I can only comfort my feeling all by myself...Its cruel right.. 

@ ENUFF OF SAD STORY...I'M NOT GONNA WASTE MY TEARS AND COMPLICATE THINGS IN MY LIFE!!@

FULL STOPPPPP!

So moving on.. Looking forward for my appointment with my dear doctor...

See you Ms. B..

Review: Lagenda Budak Setan 2

Hola soulsista!!


I'm working now, but since it's 530 pm so, I dont feel 'that' guilty of using internet usage for my blog purposes..*What an INTEGRITY...:P

So, back to the topic..about our latest local movie - Lagenda Budak Setan 2..

I would give 3.5 stars..not because of I'm not liking it..I do..it just maybe the genre itself didn't suit me..

Kasyah: The character played by Farid Kamil. He's good in giving sorrow mood, calmness, tak banyak bercakap.. but due those features... he was not able to portray strong character..but kudos to him cause able to get sympathy from the audience..

Katerina: Played by Maya Karin...I don't read the novel, but I kind of not liking this character..she's a bit pushy..sikit sikit nak kawin nak kawin..and Maya Karin seemed a bit awkward holding Athirah (Kasyah's baby)..Maybe she supposed to act as a VERY modern lady..so she needs to act like one..

Hisyam: Scary , psycho!! But the character is not fully explored.. The director should give more intense emotions in this character.

I perceived that Lagenda Budak Setan 3 will be the better movie since it will be the finale of this love epic..

Nak dipendekkan cerita, film ni ok ok je...maybe it just me..sebab I ni hati kering sikit and bukan jenis romantik ..yela..even my husband's birthday pun I selalu lupa..my phone literally needs to 'remind' me every now and then...best wife ever..

So much for my review!!

Hola sousista,

It's 1.06 am, I just got back.. I've spent 1,600 bucks for shoes and skin care..I hate when Mr. Harvey not around...Couse I have so much time for myself and utilize it for my window shopping..and of course..it was not going to be 'watching the window' anymore..it led to..'trying', 'fitting', 'awww it's beautiful', 'auu i love this shoes, oh oh that wedges looked stunning, ouh those flipflops..so cuttteee' 

and to bring along my evil-galfren Sasha..was disaster... She never stopped me from shopping..*thanks a lot shasha!!! I love u..but I hate u right now..

I don't have mood to review the movie..I hope Mr. Harvey won't find out this..*Hey, its my money anyways..why I should be bothered...urhgh..


I'm so sleepy...gonna take my Clomid now..

See ya when I see ya..

Lagenda Budak Setan 2..Here I come!!

Mr. Harvey is out of station for 5 days!! *Yeay!.. I have space for me to loosen up a bit and hang out with my girlfriends..Of course I already asked his permission....:P


After I sent him and his colleague to the airport, apa laie...immediately called my galfren..Shasha..to hangout together and accompany me to go Putrajaya. I need to do 2 site visit ...need to accomplished it by today..grrr

So I reached at Sasha's house around 8 am, and we arrived at Putrajaya around 9 am..

Kesian Shasha..wasted her time by waiting for me to finish my work there..ala..dia pun tengah x ada kerja...there's no wedding catering that she needs to handle during weekdays..ngeh3x * and I need her, in case of anything..still drowsy from my Clomid

During lunch hour, we're gonna buy 2 tickets @ Alamanda , Putrajaya ...Lagenda Budak Setan 2.. can't wait!

*I'm not a fan of Farid Kamil..but definitely big fan of Maya Karin and Bront Palarae

Maya I heart her.. :D

Villain Character: Mr. Bront..great actor I say!!

Lagenda Budak Setan 2: Lagenda Budak Setan 2

Can't wait to watch them...

xoxo

Day 2 : Clomid

Day 2 Clomid = Disaster!

I had fatigue day from morning till night.. I was overslept..

Now, I today I clocked my alarm  for 7:25 am. That was my goal, to be a "early riser". But today I snooze it, and snooze it, and I'd say..maybe I would get  by 8 am.. My normal routine waking up. But, I was couldn't believe myself that I'd even accidentally hit "Dismiss" instead of "Snooze" and miss the whole morning!!

How did I end up not going to the office today?? Today was supposed to be my meeting with my client today..I woke up at 11.30 am *almost afternoon kot..My head spinning I was having my head boozed with E..

I managed to call my client to postpone the meeting to 1 pm.. I was rushed..taking shower, stormed out without putting any make up and forgot to iron my hubby's pant...O'o....

As expected!! He called me at 1.30 pm.. When I saw the ID number popped out from my bb..I almost fainted..! I really forgot about ironing his pants..And I know for sure that he was really pissed with me!! *Cause he already remind me the day before to iron it as he knew that I'd like to handle issue at the very last minute..

So to avoid any argument.. I didn't pick up his call and his bbm...I was so scared I feel like I'm dying...

I'm waiting Mr. Harvey to come home..I think I need to buy coffin for myself...

Or perhaps I should just go to sleep now...YES problem solved!!..Huhuhu..

Whatever it is...I'm still dead meat!!

3 days to go...for my Clomid.. Bertahannnnnn!!

Day 1 : Clomid

Hola Soulsista,

So this morning  I woke up 1 hour earlier than normal routine. *Nothing to do with Clomid. Noisy neighbor did major renovation..urgghh!! it drives me carazy..let alone Mr. Harvey..Poor him.. :P

So major symptom today? Nada

But I have major 'leaking' rescue. My last rescue was back when I was 12-13 years old? *My menstrual keep on streaming down and I need to change twice within 6 hours..Rasa macam zaman dulu2 bila baru dapat 1st period..hehe

I dont think that this heavy menstrual has got  to do with Clomid..It must be something to do with my laparoscopy...dah success ke lap ni... :D

************************Update Day 1: Clomid

Symptom that I noticed was:

• Fatigue : I slept from for 4 pm untill 10 pm that equals to 6 hours! * How am I going to sleep tonight..hurmm
• Sore Boobs.. 

How I met your Father

What a cute title..

Bloging while waiting my beloved Mr. Harvey to come home..

It started back in 2010..It started with a friend of mine.a guy..let just say his name is Saif Ali Khan (His face looked like him..I think..?)
So he went down to KL from Penang..He works there..still..So he's kind of bored and married and had problem in his marriage..gulpp~~

Since I was single that time..just broke off with my STUPID boyfriend!! (mad at him..still..he owes me RM1K until now..)..

So my deary friend Saif, called me to hang out together chilled at some place *Clubbing la..apa lagi? My Dark Ages..

So I thought that time.."well why not..just forget that  ba$tar5....(my ex-bf). "

So at 1st, we went to Sultan ( Mandarin Oriental's underground).. that's was 1st and last I went there..quite cozy cause nobody was there but us..obviously...

Nice right

Nice but nobody at this hour..Weekdays..what u expect...

After like 30 minutes, we were like super bored..*dah tak ada orang kan.. Aku tengok kau..ko tengok aku jela time tu...

So I ended up ask him to ciao..pergi cari tempat lain..so I drove and we went to Jalan Doraisamy..

Jalan Doraisamy. Credit to Amanda

And somehow, I stopped at Gosh..one of the newest club..back then I guess.. I rasa la..since nampak baru..I'm not die-hard clubber...

It started here..wiiieeee

This place, I tell you!!! So many youngsters...and I felt old that day...I was like 24-25ish...But I felt old .. Don't know..maybe been awhile not mingling with my clubbers cycle of friends..*ramai dah kawin that time..heheh 

So Saif and I just sat at the bar..doing nothing..not dancing nothing..Just ordered Coke and watched all those monkey doing their monkey business..

Si Saif my 'beloved' friend kept asking me to dance with him.. I started to feel annoyed..coz 

1. He's Married Man...

2. When I said I don't want to dance..I DONT WANT LA..so hard to understand issit?

3. He's not my type...like at all~~~

BUT, what. a. persistent. married. man! He kept on pushing me..

So, I was fed up..I felt like wanna yell at him that time..I tarik nafas dalam dalam.. and I called the bartender.. *OMG HE's SUPER CUTE LIKE AARON AZIZ NO KIDDING!!!!!! *no..he's not my husband..he's foreign worker from philippines..there's more to come..hahah

So, I called him.. "Hi can I get tissue and pen..?"

Aaron Aziz : "yea sure"   *How I wish he's Aaron Aziz..Aww..

and this 'aaron' gave me pen and tissue.. 

My friend like having this blanked face..he had no idea what I was doing that time..

I wrote 

" CALL ME 

 012 234 8908 

Brenda xoxo"

But the ink from the pen won't came out..So 'aaron' saw I was in agony..cewahh...and gave me piece of paper..and whispered to me " are you okay miss..this is not your husband i presumed" and I said "No he's not" 

*Husband? Do I looked that OLD?? *Cryyyy*

Then, I gave him back the tissue and asked him to throw..lil did I know that he kept it..Aww suwittt

So, now I got the piece of paper and re-wrote the gedix sentence. Saif asked me.."What are you doing?"

I said  "I'm bored..please help me find one cute guy for me..phulisss.."

Saif blank lagi..poor him..he asked.. " You nak buat apa? nak kasi kertaih ni dekat sapa2 cute ka ..serious ka ni?"

I said loud and clearrrrr "YESSSSSSSS!!!!"

In the meantime, I kept on scouting and searching....dalam hati.. "mana la laki cute ni...tak kan x ada..aku nak balik ni...nak kena si saif ni..biar dia malu skit..aku gi ngedeng laki lain..mesti bleh balik lepas ni.."

Initially that was supposed to be my plan.just to get a way from Saif..I don't want to hurt my friend's feeling by yelling at him..or whatever that makes him felt rejected and bruised..He's one of my best friend who was in messed up life..

But for me to proceed with the 'plan'.. at least I need to get one fine and cute human being....kill two birds with one stone..

Later, my eyes caught this one figure..tall, fair skin, very neat from the back of him..I have to say he got 'handsome' back....I kept on staring at him..Of course la he didnt realized..I was behind him..and quite far..

He just stood there..watching his guy friends dancing and wooing girls..

He just stood beside his table....didn't even dance..and I can see some of girls kept wooing him..but he didnt bother..

and suddenly...He turned around and looked straight at me..*Rasanya, kawan dia perasan...so report kat dia..

Then, he just turned back and wat bodoh..* Dalam hati..ala...x ada can la ni..

What about Saif..Saif puteh mata la duk tengok perangai I..dia speechless..duduk je tengok adegan tu..hehehe

And for a 2nd time, he turned around...AGAIN...to ME...and SMILED!!....cair gila..he's the handsomest guy I've ever seen in my life..I never liked skinny tall guy..but him..He's my exceptional... For the 1st time I understand the meaning of "Love at 1st sight.."

Then, he walked towards me.. jalan lalu sebelah I je..and he ogled (jeling) and smiled at me..then he went to the toilet..

I was practically hysteria in front of Saif..It didnt turn up to a plan..I've just met my soulmate..I felt the chemistry sparkled..

Dia keluar toilet..and stood behind me..I turned to him and smiled... he stood there for like 60seconds..doing nothing..and then went away...I didn't make any move..I was literally an ice..frozen!

Saif dah tengok I macam gatal sangat..he asked me "You nak I kasi kertaih ni dekat dia ka..?"

I said "NOPE..biar I kasi sendiri.."

After 5 minutes... I went to this cute skinny guy...and tapped his shoulder..he turned around..acted surprised..

I shook his hand and gave him that piece of paper...and whispered to his ear.. "Call me.."

and he said..smiling "Of course..for sure.."

Saif had enuff..and dia nak balik hotel dia tang tu jugak...*See my plan worked as well...

I asked Saif.. "Do you think he will call me"

He looked at me and being skepical..jeles kot..He said  "Orang gila ja yang tak call you..he must be crazy or blind if dia tak call u"

I'm flattered...but still..not my type...

----------------------------------------------

I reached home around 2am..

I got 1st call at 3am..sadly..it was the 'Aaron Aziz'..! From that conversation I knew he was half sabahan half - half philippines.

And Mr. Harvey, my beloved hubby-to-be, called me at 4am...we ended up talking for 2 hours..

I met him again a week after...and love is in the air.. 

YES I KNOW.. I was the one who WOOED him.. but it's worth it..He's my husband now..

and Saif...Thanks for being gatal..If you not being gatal that night..I may not end up plotting that plan for you..

And still remember the piece of paper that I gave to Mr. Harvey..?
I've found out he's still keeping it until now in his wallet. *Love him... 

TTC: Clomid 100mg 1st Cycle

Hola Soulsista!

It's 9:30 pm..and I've done:

Zero House Chores *Best Wife eva! Clap Clap.. :P

and I'm so smelly.. *like gorilla ..guilty 

I dont think Mr. Harvey  will be coming back early today..He told me yesterday that he's gonna meet his children (1 gal, 1 boy) ..dekat rumah bekas inlaw dia..Ouh yes.. i got step children...they are so cute!! Hubby's copycat 100%.. Hmm..come to think of it..2 years back, I REALLY cant tolerate the activity of him seeing his kids at his EX-inlaws house.. why kat rumah derang..why not public?? but, if I keep on thinking..It will drive me nuts!.. so all I need is to trust him..if anything...Allah will show it to me eventually... :)


xxxxxxxxxOkay..Enuff story telling....let's focus on CLOMID!xxxxxxxx

Anyway as you all know, I just had undergone laparoscopy. My dear doctor gave me 100mg Clomid for me to take from Cycle Day 2(CD2) until CD6. It cost me around RM41.00

So at 1 am sharp, I will be taking my very 1st Clomid. Perhaps you will be asking why 1 am? Why not earlier than that:

Okay,

• 1st, 1 am meaning it's a new day..which is the day= Tomorrow = CD2 
• 2nd, my routine sleep pattern is from 3am-8am. *Yeah I know...its kind of  VERY late..sadly my husband and I have A different working hours..if I stick to my old pattern which is at 10PM...Bila nak jumpa Hubby? My hubby finished his work at 10PM.. *Cry...!! So I need to sacrifice my time to get OUR quality time together..
• 3rd, taking Clomid 1-2hours before you off to bed is actually quite good. It helps you NOT to feel symptom like dizziness, sore boobs, hotflush..Clomid can mimic early pregnancy symptom..

Clomid side effects?

1. Hot flashes *you feel your body warm, sweating..around your upperlip, rapid heartbeat..dup dap dup dap
2. Bloating 
3. Weight gain *only 1% might go through this symptom..please dont make me fall under that 1%..SCARRYYY
4. Mood Swing *That is normal me...double me.??.wow..better not let him know this..he might run away from me..LOL!!
5. Dizziness 
6. Vagina Dryness and thick cervical mucus *Use conceive plus when MAKELAFF..or just go direct to IUI procedure..(I'm still contemplating..undecided yet)
7. Sore boobs or sakit tetekk *Ahaks I just feel like to type and pronounce it..TETEKKK..cute hihi
8. Abnormal menstrual period * This can drive some women crazy, since they see spotting and think, “Oh, it’s implantation spotting!” bummer.

Does Clomid delay your period?

Depends..Everybody has different body intelligence..Clomid changes few of my friends ovulation by 2-5 days late.

From my understanding:

1) It caused you to ovulate later than you did without it

or

2) It sometimes can lengthen your LP (the period of time from 1 DPO to the day before AF starts) by a day or so - that is why some doctors give it to women suffering from a Luteal Phase defect. 

So for the best, is for you to...

1. BBT Chart *does not work for me tho..I pemalas and selalu lupa.. :(

2. TVS (Transvaginal Scan) *Do it from CD10, CD12,or perhaps CD14 and get doctor's recommendation..(I'll be doing this..)

What is the highest dose of clomid safe to take?

Clomid is prescribed usually at 50 mg for 2 months, 100 mg for 2 months if not response form the 50 mg, and 150 mg for 2 months if the 100 mg had no response. *Depends on ur doc tho

The manufacture discourages  to use beyond 150 mg due to their study it ruins your lining (lining is too thin to allow implanting of a fertilized egg & if one does manage to implant the miscarriage rate is high)

Can clomid produce more eggs?

Depends on your body..lain orang lain response dia...

Okay lah...

That's all for now..

Will update on the symptom tomorrow !! 

Goodnight Ms. B and everybody!! 

Another 3 hours to go !! *and I'm hungry.....

Before taking my Clomid...

The journey of 'real' TTC starts here *well..I know I've been trying naturally for 1 year 9 months now .so let just say that I'm back to square one..but with using fertility drugs or in proper word..fertility boosters. :D

Just reached home..It's 8pm here in Kuala Lumpur. Rainy day. Heavy traffic. Yikes. But my mind was occupied somewhere else while drove back home..

CANT WAIT TO REACH HOME...CLOMID IS WAITING FOR ME!! 

*Boleh? Bukan balik sebab nak jumpa hubby..eih please..not today okay hoze..saja tulisan buat kecik skit..:P

Oh yea, during lunch hour, I've sent SMS to  Dr Suhaimi to update him about my progress *Like he cares...he got thousands of patients kot... duhh..:P

But everybody even my boss knows that I'm kind of proactive and annoying .I've sent it anyways..if he didn't reply..ok je..tarak hal..

So my SMS sounds like this:

"Hi doc! my period is coming yesterday at 10pm. So I will start taking my Clomid at 1 am. I'll see you on tuedsay, 4th Dec 2012. That day is my CD10"

and he replied:

"Ok"         **Ok jee?? Cryyyyyy.!!..haih..Men are vicious!! .Ehhehehe..but I liked him still.. Very helpful and understanding...maybe he's.. you know like old...so orang zaman2 dia mana suka SMS panjang panjang ni..(hmm..so many assumptions from Ms. Annoying..dia balas pun dh cukup baik..:P)

Anyway, I did text his AGAIN just now, asking :

"Doc, boleh tak I nak makan Clomid with EPO?"

Tak dapat lagi reply..maybe esok kot..dah malam kan ...*teruk kan I ni..adus..I cant help it..Sorry doc kacau sms malam2..tak sengaja..dah sent baru terfikir..huhuhu. 

(^_____^``)

Okay, wanna go take my shower and do some chores.. Later will update you about Clomid infos.. I bet everybody knows everything about this drug..still nak share..for better knowledge to all of us..

daaaa

Aunt Flow Part III

Hola sista,

FINALLY AF ARRIVED!!!! FOR REAL!!

THANKS FC HERBAL PADS.. U MADE MY DAY... MUAHXX!!

SAVE UR LIFE!! PLS use Herbal Sanitary Pads!!

Holasista,

Guess what...I just swiched my sanitary pad from normal..to HERBAL SANITARY PAD...

It's so WINDYYYY and MINTY feeling...seriously..

How did I end up knowing about this Herbs product..Well..out of curiousity..of course..and due my AF won't come properly since 10 days ago..

So, as usual, I went and asked about all this from my TTCer friends at ratuhati.com. This portal is basically a local forum board for women in Malaysia..ermm.more like babyandbump.momtastic.com.

There, I've found out about Herbal Sanitary pad which is safer compared to commercial sanitary pad..

I know that sanitary pas is one of BFF for women...but

DID YOU KNOW???

IT CAN ALSO BE A SILENT THREAT TO WOMEN'S REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH?? 

*oh NOOO

ORDINARY SANITARY PAD ARE FULL OF HARSH CHEMICALS ..like DIOXIN 

and I'm not lying...for manufacturer to come up with cheap sanitary pad, they use RECYCLE papers...not nicee...really..not nicee!! .All this while I've been using 'soiled' and 'stained' paper..euwww! They've been using DIOXIN to bleach the papers so that in the end it will be like super white and 'clean'.. for more information..please check out ---> sanitary youtube

See, I'm not lying..this coming from local newspaper

OH now I'm really mad..Grrrr

For 16 years!!? I've been using normal sanitary pad..not that sanitary saint anymore huh?

But nevermind, now I'm switching to local herbal sanitary pad.. called Avail.

FC Herbal Pad from Avail

I hope it is not too late for me...definitely not too late for you ladies!! so..please please save your life and your health..switch to non-chemical pad after this..I'm switched....ARE YOU??

No more chemicals for my feminine hygiene!

A tale of Mari and 3 puppies..

Hola Soulsista,

I've just finished crying..and i Cried like nobody business...for almost two darn hours!

Why I cried...?

Have you watched A tale of Mari and 3 puppies..? It's Japanese movie..If not, please go find and get the movie or if malas..boleh tengok dekat youtube. Full version ada kat sana..its good for you to evaluate yourself..or at least 'cleaning up' your eyes by bursting into tears!

After watched this movie @youtube.. It made me thinking..Somehow animals are much more noble compared to human beings.. animal has only two instinct.. bad or good. They are not some sort of hypocrite, liars , talam dua muka, or whatever bad attributes that we could find in human beings.. *I'm saying as general..I'm talking about myself also tho..I'm also not perfect..

This movie is based on a true story..not adapted from true story..but based on true story.. The story itself is real and they just lakonkan semula and make it more touching movie..

Synopsis dekat internet:

Aya (the little girl) has lost her mother, and her family took in a Shiba Inu puppy (one of my favourite breeds), named Mari. Mari gave birth to 3 puppies after a year. On the same day evening, a major earthquake struck the mountain village where she lives and devastated it. The grandfather of Mari’s family was home alone that day. Mari tried her very best in rescuing him. At the end, the villagers were evacuated by a helicopter. No choice, they had to leave Mari and her 3 puppies behind. The villagers then stayed in temporary housing in a neighboring city.

 There were continuous aftershocks and increased the dangers of landslide. Mari had to protect her puppies as a great mother. She’s tough! The 2 children to whom Mari belongs missed her so much and decided to go back to the village to find her secretly. Their father then went to search for them and had to bring them back to the rescue center because Aya was having high fever. After about 2 weeks, they went back to their village by helicopter with the hope of seeing Mari again. They could not find Mari after keep on calling and calling her name hundreds of times, they thought they would never see Mari again and felt extremely upset. But surprisingly, Mari and her puppies turned up alive!


I neither have cat nor dog..but watching this movie broke my heart into pieces...Macamana nak cakap ye...

I literally hold my chest so hard because I can feel my heart in pain when watching this.. I burst into tears for 2 hours from the start till the end of movie..

I must say, I don't dare to watch it again in youtube...sebab I know I will cry like a wolf again and again...

Tapi I akan pastikan tengok movie ni lagi bila tengah down or sedih..cause this movie makes me appreciate my life more..

So peeps, please please please tengok this movie...It's worth crying!!

Aunt Flow Part III : 3.20 AM

Soulsista...

It's 3.20 AM...

I couldn't sleep...

Keep on thinking what's really happening to me..where's my period...??

I keep on googling..no answers could satisfy me..

Hubby doesn't know my stupid anxiety... *ah well..he is now happily playing badminton with his fella boys..

AF COME BACKKKK!!!!!

What's Ovarian Drilling

Hola soulsista!

Ok today, I want to talk about Ovarian Drilling(OD). Share my knowledge..*Hopefully pengetahuan ini betul and berguna untuk sesiapa yang TTC

Ovarian Drilling? What's that?

Okay, OD ni adalah procedure dalam laparoscopy.. laparoscopy ini adalah mini operation, atau pembedahan kecil yang melibatkan perut/peranakan perempuan ditebuk dengan 3 holes/lubang..like this..
and OD is helping Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), like me to conceive...

Credit to Google Image

So, as you can see...ada 3 incision satu belah kiri atas, tebukan kedua betul2 di pusat..(belly button) and the last hole will be at the bottom there..yang bawah skali ..nampak?

So, why 3 incisions..?
1. To insert camera dalam perut tu.. * this is what we called laparoscope (ini dekat belly button)
2. For doctor to do his work ..cutting, poking, drilling
3. For nurse / other doctor to filled gas CO2, or karbon dioksida..

Apa kegunaan Karbon dioksida itu?
Ok , CO2 fungsi dia ialah untuk menolong doktor mendapat ruang yang lagi besar dalam sistem peranakan..senang doctor nak move around..So bila diletakkan gas dalam perut kita..our perut will be kembunggg or bloating...couse dah kena pam..hehe..

Laparoscopy procedure

Gas ini jugak akan menceraikan organ organ dalam badan kita , so again to assist doctor untuk senang cari our ovari...our ovaries are hidden between organ and muscle..

General inside...

Creepy isn't it...tak apa...nak belajar and get the knowledge..so tahan sikit!! Hehehe

Anyhoo.. kat atas ini ada numbers:

1. Our Uterus...or Rahim peranakan..our baby supposed to grow inside it
2. Tube Fallopian : This tube ada jari jemari which akan grab the telor from ovary and helps the egg to move to uterus..
3. Our Ovaries white color...see they were hidden sikit..photo atas ini, yang doctor dah belek..

* btw, this photo is taken from Google image..

From there,doctor could confirm whether your ovary, uterus, tube normal or got issues..

How exactly is normal? 

Ovary normal: The ovaries are about the size and shape of an almond.. So x besar..like this.. (this photo is illustrated..its not real ovary..ini playdoh modelling..

Beza kan..

In reality..this taken from Google..

Normal ovary with Fallopian tube on the right side
Credit to Tatjana-Miheala

What about abnormal ovary?

Okay, kita panggil PCOS..it is not abnormal..ingat PCOS is not abnormal..it just some people has it..is like some people has lots of pimple on her face some people don't.. but you don't label people with lots of pimple as abnormal kan..no right? Why..bcoz itu semua disebabkan hormon yang tidak teratur..sama la macam PCOS

PCOS or PCO macam bawah ni..

Inside PCOS Ovary, banyak kan cyst kat tepi2 tu...

The photo below pulak, after the OD dah dibuat ke atas PCOS Ovary ini..

Scary kan!! Lebih kurang macam ini la  my Ovary looked like (only left side)

So to summarize it,

• Our ovary is whitish like pearl color
• PCOS ovary is bigger than normal ovary 1.5 -3 times larger than normal. Normal ovary macam besar sikit dari ibu jari kita..*I think so, from my video..
• PCOS is not treatable..don't be sad... kita boleh halang dia dari menjelma..which ..having HEALTHY LIFE and HEALTY FOOD...and DIET...!!

Okay, that's all for Ovary Drilling session 1...nanti I upload lagi pasal tube and Uterus.. wink wink ;)

Aunt Flow Part II

Hola Brenda,

Okay today's supposed to be my Day 2 or Day 1 AF..


behold...

ITS GONE!!! .... AGAIN!!!

Confused? *You have no idea

I've been temping my body temperature and it does not going down...36.0 deg c (morning), 36.4 deg c (afternoon), and 36.85 deg c (as at 4pm)

I told my hubby ..

Me: tensen nyaa (yelling to myself)

Hubby : why? wassap?

Me: I told you about my period last night right

Hubby: Yea..so?

Me: So..now its gone again!..urghh

Hubby: Pregnant kot... *sambil tersengih kerang busuk..as usual.. make a fun out of me

Me: Duhh...Pregnant tak ada la keluar darah ni.. *With serious face siap jeling

Hubby: Duhh...ada je..my sis period, tengok2 dia mengandung.. *Started to make his poker face

Me: Yea I know, thats implantation bleeding..Im having this on and off for 8 days..from black blood to brownish, to spot red, to nada...so much for implantation bleeding..

Hubby: Hey hey..dont channel it on me..It's not my business..You are the expert..So pergi la check doctor?? * He started to feel annoyed..

Me: Tak nak la..

Hubby: Then stop complaining.. abang dah lewat kerja.. *Kissed me and went out

Hmmmm... *termenung

Should I just meet Dr. Suhaimi..and of course that could only be done next week. 

But I dont feel pregnant.. I'm frustrated cause I want to start taking my CLOMIDDD.. Now I'm not sure I am in period cycle..or darah istihadah..

******Ah well..just wait until midnight...I will update again*********************

Determination Vs Smoking problems

Hola,

Today I'm going to tell you my journey of

My Brand

Smoking..it been 63 days since I quit smoking..let starts with how I end up smoking...

Back then..9 years ago, when I was 19..precisely, I was back then quite naive and easily influenced by friends..Not that I'm saying my friends are bad or were bad back then..its a choice..and I chose to smoke..
I have had my reasons..for me its really justified 9 years ago... :

1st Reason- Justified for me..
The only think that could make me focus studying in PETRONAS University was smoking in front of piling assignments , projects, accumulated tests, etc.  There's only two things that kept me to continue 'burning the midnight oil'.. Black Coffee and cigarette.. I N.E.E.D those and honestly they did help me to achieve really good CGPA.. *Now now..I should thank 'them' at least for 'helping' me to be what I AM NOW..

 The young me

Then I stop smoking for like 5 years ever since I met my almost-soulmate.. We were in a relationship for 5 years.. He didn't smoke, he was football captain back then, he's kind, he's an angel..and he didn't force me from quit smoking..Eventually I felt embarrassed.. and whispered to myself... " Hey..dia lelaki yang husband material..if aku tak quit..nampak aku yang bukan wife material..?" . After that I forced myself to quit..and I got used to it..

But I cheated behind his back..with Cigarette..should I blame myself that time...of course not..! That time I simply blamed my workload..

2nd Reason- Justified for me..AGAIN
Being in Marketing Operation, handling all the workload, contracts, vessel, delivery , product...geez.. I don't have time for myself to exhale..I was in duress.. I need focus..so

"Hai again dear dear Cigie..I miss you..come to Mama" * I know its not funny...  I was in denial. 

Ultimate me..63 days free from him

and of course, I did not end up well with my almost-soulmate, I was not just cheated on him with Cigies..but I cheat on him with my 'dark age moment'.  Being independent, love only ME, with lotsa friends , being cocky and snobbish *He's married now, and he's married to much much more better woman.. I just knew :) 

And this keep on continuing until I met my husband who's as crazy as I am and doesn't bother with me smoking and all...*all my family in-laws including my MIL,FIL, BIL,SIL..all are smokers

So...

WHY ON EARTH SHOULD I STOP SMOKING? I'M IN HEAVEN!!

But, things are not as easy as it seems..

My body, inside me, was not designed to cope with all the smokes..and they just like saying..

"Hey  Bi*t%H...if you don't stop smoking, we will ENSURE that all of us will be as rebellious as you and we will boycott for any treatment or whatever you are doing to us now"

Not in single tint of light that I realized ..my own body was giving up on me...

My antibody ( I always sick...hypersensitive)..

My Skin.. (getting darker, older)..

the ultimate rebellion goes to..

MY HORMON.. I was diagnosed with PCOS due to high Androgen...Yes, smoking contribute to high Androgen... (Hormon jantan!)

No wonder I didn't see my Egg White Cervical Mucus (EWCM) since I was 20 years old...

I cried, cried and cried in front of Doctor Suhaimi. He was the one telling me the possibilities of me getting PCOS due to foods and my lifestyle..

"What should I do Doc..sempat ke I berubah..?"

He said " You are 28, you still young..not young..but you are in your prime time..Stop if you determine to conceive.."

and Yes, the determination to conceive helps me to stop from looking at Cigies..suddenly I felt nothing about Cigies..just like that... I don't even try to reduce the consumption..I just cut off..stop all at once..

Amazingly,

It worked...I don't even have any confidence within myself.. Zero. But I think my own body, my inner-self believed in my determination. Perhaps, the overwhelmed-motherly feeling inside me wanting to touch and hold my baby is much more greater than anything else..

So now I would like to say..

"I'm free .. and I'm proud of it.."

1st Aunt Flow

24 Days after Lap...

My AF is coming...Tak pernah segembira macam ini bila tengok AF datang...

So today is my Day 1..I supposed...please don't let it be red spotting *touchwood!!
....I need AF so badly...cause

I CAN'T WAIT TO TAKE MY 1st CYCLE OF CLOMID!!

100gram from Day 2 until Day 6...
If hubby agrees..we all akan proceed to IUI...our 1st IUI...this coming December...if hubby busy or no mood (since he is like super workaholic and super hard to get up early in the morning..*Selfish huh? Hmm...~~Word~~

We will just do it anyway.. Naturally

Hope for the best ya!! Pray for me..


Dup dap..dup dap...

Post Laparoscopy Part II

Okay next!

The findings!

1. I was diagnosed with PCOS (left ovary)

2. My tube is perfectly fine!! (left side)

1. My Ovary was very normal (obviously..right ovary!)

2. My tube is not blocked..but its kind of very narrow..? Sempit...small ( Like my vain??)

So how am I going to successfully get pregnant if both side has its own unique disadvantage?

...and the cost for Lap and OD were roughly around RM 8,900..give and take.*Cry..

Thank God I have unlimited health insurance with my company....if not..there's NO WAY I would use our saving just to know what's going on inside me...hmm...

Honestly i felt devastated..Am i destined to do IVF??...it is so damn expensive! Ya Allah..tenangkan la hati ku ini...Hanya Engkau yang Maha Mengetahui...

*************************************************************************

Forgot to mention...what Dr. Suhami did during the ops..

1. He drilled my left ovary..(bigger and looked swelling compared to right ovary).. and he drilled 9-10 holes..auchhh!!

2. He drilled my right ovary...(yes..even it seems normal...the doctor need to drill a bit just to 'poke' the ovary to wake up and do her job...hehhe...so all the egg which still 'sleeping beauty' to wake up and starts to grooming themselves..

3. Blue dye both my fallopian tube..Left is great...Right not so much...

So after dah balik rumah and everything..Doctor gave me 2 weeks MC ( I just used up 7 days only..boring kot duk rumah..baik kerja..)

I was bleeding for about 5days..and brownish discharge perhaps another 3 days..

Since I am A SUPERWOMAN...! So I just resumed my daily routine as usual after 7 days..

and I did not having any sayang session for 17 days..well I can manage that...him? Not so much...hihihih

FYI: I didn't undergo or taken Clomid or any hormon prescription.. Just pergi ke gold package ..Lap and OD..I just need to know FACTS before went down with other medication..

Post Laparascopy

Hola!

So I just told you about my pre-lap..no moving on to during and post lap..

Well my MIL and SIL was waiting patiently until I finished the procedure..It last for 2 hours 20 mins! Around 4PM (So much for 1 hour procedure..*hehe)

So back then...I was like ting tong ding dong...All I remembered I did say " Jangan kacau kak izzy...nanti muntah..."

Tapi I did hear the nurse says something to my MIL about the recording of my procedure... WHATTA? They recorded it..

If not because of my mind was fragile (hehhee) that time...memang confirm I will be the FIRST to watch it...!

So my sweet MIL did bring her mini DVD player (Dont get shocked..she's got like EVERYTHING in her handbag...! You name it..ANYTHING...even playar or screwdriver okkkkay!...)

Time mamai tu...I ada la dengar my MIL and SIL "euwww " sana "euwww" sini.. and "oh ma mak..yang ini kakak tau..ini ovari.."

Hehehe...so now they are officially know me inside out..for better and for worst...! hahhaha

So..don't you feel weird...where's my HUSBAND???? Yes..? where was he...!!!

He was working and went out from office after 6PM and reached at the hospital at 10PM...bravo... *yea..yea...just blame the traffic..duuuhh*

So I was overnight for 1 day and checked out the day after..

You wanna know the findings from my lap? I will write to you shortly ya..

Pre- laparoscopy

Well Brenda,

Open sesame diary...!! Kind of addicted to keep on typing..

Just so excited today...now im getting my period today.. O dear AF..its been a while..since i have made massive invasion to my own ovum factory on 30th October 2012 through

                                                             LAPARASCOPY... 

                                                                          &

                                                         OVARIAN DRILLING  (OD)

Creepy..? kind of la...bila my middle arm was poked with anesthesia needle..the Syukur Tuhan my anesthetic doctor was very gentleman and soft spoken...*Rasa semua doctor memang kena ada personality macam ini kot...hehe..

Arm shot!

The doctor ..I forgot the name..let me see..hmmm I think his name was Dr. Chung.. I don't remember since all I was thinking was about the Lap! Hehehe

So he kept on poking my vain..here and there and he said "Your vain is very delicate..and very small..!" and smiled..

I was like..."okay..so am I in trouble..? would it complicate this ?" I started to FREAAKKK OUTT

He just smiled and say "No such thing dear...just calm down" (while injecting the drug into me..)

During that time.. I felt like my arm was super numb...and I was like looking around with ting tong face.. and..the last thing I remember..

My dear dear doctor..Dr Suhaimi.!!!..He managed to say something to me before I closed my eyes..

"Dont be afraid..I'll be seeing you after this.."

****Blackout****

5th March 2010...love at 1st sight?

The beginning of my R.E.A.L life was when I met my future husband..

Looking back the past..makes me wonder..Will I be able to make the same path..?

'Gosh-KL' was our so-called-place  '  where our eyes met and there was magic sparked..'

 Our 1st memory...Gosh-KL

                                                           

Sometimes it makes me smile...still...I'm smiling when I wrote this...

But then, my beloved bff once asked me... "Babe, kalaulah kau dapat turn back time..would you marry him again?"

I think  that cepu emas question stumbled me..because..I PAUSED JUST TO FIND THE RIGHT ANSWER..? 

And of course I said YES..duhh..because I dont think I could fall deep in love with other man..but him..

Cliche heh? 

Hmm..but I did pause...and that. is. not. Cliche..

My 1st diary...

With this...it is official that I will be one of the TTCer blogger... :D

Now this is my journey which i will properly crafted it into something useful..who knows..perhaps one day it might turn up to be Brenda's memoir...my memoir..

I should be doing this way earlier..but my heart just keep saying..nah..why bother..take it easy..you dont need your own diary to memorize all the simple things in your life..

but....

My life is not simple...

I've been through rough life, nightmares, too many obstacles for me to count.. *deep sigh..

But you know what...in this life all I'm asking just the glimpse of happiness ...I know that all the shudder and sadness soon will disappear  not momentarily..

Deep in my heart..I know the day will come...